The tantrums? Nope. The snuggles? Sure. But you’ll know that when you see it. — Imagine this: a toddler melts down in the middle of a grocery aisle. The toddler’s mother is taking deep breaths, staying as calm as she can, wrestling her screaming child back into the cart while silently praying that no one will notice. But of course someone does notice, and it’s…

An expert weighs in — Sit on the toilet before bath time and refuse to pee, then get in the bathtub and immediately pee. It’s always fun to learn about the element of surprise! Peel formica off the kitchen counters. …

What’s the difference between a goal and a resolution? — “You know how you look up one actor from a show to see how old they are, and then 45 minutes later you find yourself six Wikipedia pages deep in the biography of everyone who’s ever appeared on that show?” I said to my sister recently. I was driving and…

How to decipher your inferiors’ confusing shorthand. — If your underlings ask for hazard pay during a hurricane or a pandemic or whatever the trendy complaint is these days, what they really want is a pizza party (after closing time on a Friday, once everyone is off the clock). If they mention a holiday bonus, what they would…

Is it time to start writing elsewhere? — Some writers say it’s gauche to share what you earn. Some writers say it’s fine as long as you’re honest. And some write clickbait nonsense with headlines like “I MADE 144K IN MY FIRST MONTH WRITING ON HOGWASH.COM! HERE’S HOW!” only to reveal after eighteen paragraphs of poorly spelled dreck…

An impassioned plea to preserve a way of life that is now gone with the Witch. — My beloved fellow citizens of Narnia — fauns, centaurs, random river mammals! Boggarts, trolls, slime creatures that inhabit the sewer systems of Cair Paravel! — I beg your attention and your sympathy for a most noble cause. You may remember me as the faun who still determinedly drives a sleigh…

Nip those nosy questions in the bud with these evasive maneuvers. — Pretend you did not hear the question, and repeat “WHAT?” at louder and louder levels until they are forced to give up in defeat and back slowly away from you. Bore your conversationalist straight out of the room by launching into a detailed plot summary and analysis of the longest…

Is it my fault? Possibly not. Can I fix it? Uh… maybe. — Is “mom brain” a real thing? Opinions on the Internet vary (isn’t that true of all things? Like vaccines? Gas prices? Books turned into films? Cannibalism?) but many agree that there is a verifiable lag in mental operating power once you have a child or two. (If you’re female, that…