Car Seats and the Illusion of Control

Overthinking will keep my kids safe. Right? Right??

photo by author

This piece originally appeared in the parenting newsletter The Pomegranate.

I used to think I could cure my anxiety by overpreparing. If I planned ahead for every possible negative outcome, I’d never have to truly worry, right? I’ve been anxious since I was old enough to think in complete sentences, but somehow the complete inefficacy of this overpreparing practice did not sink in until the fall of 2023.

When I became pregnant with my first son, I immediately joined several safety-conscious Facebook groups dedicated to evidence-based infant care. I learned about safe sleep guidelines, baby-led weaning, and how to navigate the intricacies of the modern infant car seat. As a baby in the 90s, I had been strapped into a simple bucket seat with head cushions and, I think, a single buckle. (This was a step up from how my parents came home from the hospital–handheld, in the front seat of a station wagon. Perhaps in a blanket-lined basket on the floor of the car? Unclear.) But the modern convertible car seat is much more complex, and much more terrifying, than its predecessors. As I read about five-point harnesses, CPSTs, and the dangers of unsecured objects in the back of a car, the pit of dread in my stomach grew along with the unborn baby.